Club protocols of rock commune "Inohodets"

Don't ask me to translate it all for you. It's in my native Bulgarian tongue and I'm just lazy. A friend of mine asked me to create a kind of "mock manifesto" for his fictional club and for the (former) band he was playing drums in. The name "Inohodets" doesn't mean anything, so don't try to google it. You're gonna end up nowhere. It's just a name. The whole text was composed by him and it's tongue in cheek from head to toe. He wanted a kind of weird mixture of horror, gloom and goosebumps smeared all over and wrapped in an 80's Romero/Carpenter/Stephen King vibe and served cold. I've done my best and I am super proud of how it all turned out in the end. He was delighted through the roof too. I got paid and he got his awesome and crazy weird ass manifesto. I'd say that's business!